my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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