if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize