Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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