remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am mentally ready for anal.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
