Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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