The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
