4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
