hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
