he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
