im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
