something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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