I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
