Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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