i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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