Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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