all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
