I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize