very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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