Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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