She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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