i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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