The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
