So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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