she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
