a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
