After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
