You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
