can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
