so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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