Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and you said cock pushups were impossible
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Houston, we have a blender
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
