So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
