He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize