Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
