Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
