I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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