It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
