this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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