i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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