That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
