Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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