there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
