Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
