Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
3pm strippers are depressing
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
