I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
