My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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