If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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