my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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