no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
