I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize