party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
