Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
