at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
