he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
