I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
