Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
