Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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