Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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