is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
