Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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