also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize