it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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