She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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