mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
