Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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