i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
