it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
