it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
