I will die if light touches me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize