sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
